I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
