Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
