You can't motorboat a personality
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
