you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
