yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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