she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
