It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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