I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
