I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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