wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
