His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
