I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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