Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
