what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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