i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
