You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize