his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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