umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
