is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
