where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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