Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
