im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
