I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
