my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
