well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
