New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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