How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
