I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He felt like a one man threesome
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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