I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
