Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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