the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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