Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
