So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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