But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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