im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
