our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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