So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
