We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
