after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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