i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
