I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am available for nakedness
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
