That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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