Im at strip club and am horny
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
