really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
