this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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