i permit you to call me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
