i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i came on her dog
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
