ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
