i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
