Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
